Well, Ms. Teyana Taylor’s video has finally dropped. Oh…what a video it is.

WHERE DO I START!?

BTW, did I miss the memo that went around the industry saying Jazze Pha was gorgeous? Well color me a beauty pageant queen. “Jason I’m ready for you to make me a star!”

Anyway, in the words of the infamous Simon Cowell, “You are not as good as you think you are.” I must say, the song was not as atrocious as this video is. I’m sure I’m not the intended “audience” for this particular “artist” but, still, let’s just step back and take a look at this.

On paper, Teyana probably was a good bet. She seems to have an effervescent personality LOL. Charisma! Charm! Big hair! Young! She looks like Kelly Rowland and Usher’s wife Maneka Tameka had a butch baby. SKRONG in the face! I won’t go there though.

But this video comes across flat and as a mix of NY influences + Power Puff girls + Mariah Carey fan club with butterflies n’ ish on acid and shrooms. Was she wearing a pirate costume with a bedazzled eye patch!? Sweet Minty Baby Jesus be a ritalin! What is really going on!? LOL @ her getting her Big Worm on selling “Ice Cream” which I am sure was an aside that she’s signed to Star Trak and Pharrell. Which makes these green screen shenanigans make a tad bit more sense. [Was that him on the bicycle?]

Her “charm” does NOT come across the TV screen. She needs to smile with the eyes and give me SOMETHING in the face. She looks like a dead fish for the majority of the video, and the parts where she is “singing” are even worse — she looks like she is a holding a major duece in and is gonna run to the bathroom as soon as the director says “CUT!”

The dancing in and of itself was phoned in. I mean, how you gonna have Bow Wow’s boo Omarion in the video and not ask him to help you with your 1, 2 step!? Ridic. At times it looked like they just started having fun and was like “eff it!” and just wasted money and time goofing around.

I think I’m going to roll with Lil’ Mama and “Shawty Get Loose” if I had to choose a young female rapper. I think Lil’ Mama takes this MUCH more seriously — Teyana is doing this because someone thought she could…maybe. Teyana = FAIL.