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Hell Is Hot, Dark & Cold, And DMX Doesn’t Want To Go. Party Up In Heaven!

Written by The IPS in Blogs on Mar 2, 10
DMX…I got nothing. I mean, dude. TMZ has the story:

TMZ has learned the oft-incarcerated rapper, real name Earl Simmons, agreed to perform at the Morning Star Sanctified Church for a fundraiser this Saturday — and he’s doing it for free.

According to Pastor Barbara King, DMX and his family have been members of the congregation for eight months now and he really wanted to help raise money for repairs.

We’re told the school holding the event is amping up security because they’re unsure of what kind of crowd the convicted felon will draw. Tickets are going from $35-$40 a pop.

FYI — We’re also told DMX doesn’t swear anymore … so we have absolutely no idea what he’s going to perform.

To the utmost, Jesus saves ROFL. DMX has been MIA for a minute — I’d pay a mint to see that show just on GP.
Tags:DMX, i can't, sweet minty jesus!, you're fired
None Yet
Dirty Money & Louboutins For Sale, Cheap! Diddy & J. Lo Are Equally Terrible These Days…

Written by The IPS in Blogs on Mar 1, 10
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Diddy – “They Don’t Love Me” [Listen & Download]

There’s a new Diddy song that is just unacceptable in the canon of what is known as pop music. It’s called “They Don’t Love Me” — and yes, you are right. WE DON’T! What is this mess!? There’s only so much that autotune can do and Diddy is stressing the outer limits on a daily basis with “Angels” and now this song. Is it safe to say that Dirty Money record is going to be pretty dang awful? I thinks so. I hope Dawn & Kaleena are ready to do Gospel plays with Cheri Dennis cause…yeah. The-Dream wants his schtick back. And I want the headache I just got to return back to hell from whence it came!

I hope this is a demo. “Love Come Down” actually grew on me though.

Jennifer Lopez was booked for SNL long before her album was shelved and her latest movie was pushed back, but yet and still, she went anyway. And she performed two new songs — “Starting Over” and “Pieces”. “Pieces” is above and yo, this sh*t is TERRIBLE. Pure and simple, she sounded a mess.

Put on some red bottoms and twerk cause that’s all we care about. OMG, she is flat, sharp, pointy, level to the ground and everything else! LOL I laughed, I just couldn’t even help it. OF COURSE her album was shelved — if she brought me this and I was the head of the label, she’d get the SEOD too. Acoustic and/or band assisted ballads are NOT her forte. Marc Anthony ain’t helped out his wife in the vocal department?

I bet the neighbors know her name — from her praticing her scales 4x a week with the twins of hers singing along AKA crying cause mommy is hurting them. I can’t.
Tags:diddy, flop, i can't, jennifer lopez, live performances, new music, what in the world
3 Responses
Superbowl Performances: America Ain’t Beautiful & Glad We Can Only SEE The Star-Spangled Banner

Written by The IPS in Blogs on Feb 8, 10
Queen Latifah……..

I love the Queen, lawd KNOWS I do. I own like, all her jazz singing albums even just on GP. But this performance right here? Sweet Minty Jesus will not let this pass because Queen Latifah doesn’t have enough squall or church or power in her voice to pull THAT one off. That required a Fantasia blessing. A kick off your shoes and run around the end zone type anointing! Queen Latifah tried, but around the 1:40-ish mark I had to log off eternity and page Michael the Archangel to bring that note back to where it was supposed to be.

That CHOIR outsung the mess out of her. Not in terms of people, I mean in terms of precision. Why the backup always better than the star!? LOL. God bless her Maybelline ministry. She must have been singing about the America that is tainted w/ racism and doesn’t recycle their trash because that was ugly at points!

Carrie Underwood is usually a FANTASIC singer — that being said and acknowledged, this performance was borderline terrible. She had a strong vocal throughout, but unfortunately, that strength continued as continually slid down pitches as she sung. I mean, it culminated with that last and final note that I’m sure had everyone scratching their heads like “Did she just swallow a firecracker?”

Props to her (and Queen) for singing live, but still, come on. It was like a long walk off a short pier and that final note was the unexpected drop ROFL. I love Carrie though, but she is gonna go home and watch that on the TV and hide under her covers for a day or two. Maybe she is the one that jinxed Peyton Manning, and Queen Latifah’s faux church blessed the Saints! “WHODAT!”
Tags:i can't, live performances, what in the world
3 Responses
Robin Thicke Shouldn’t “Shake” Anything EVER Again!

Written by The IPS in Blogs on Feb 5, 10
OK, you know I am vehemently against this song ever being recorded PERIOD. But these performances that Robin Thicke is turning in of this song have been HILARIOUS. No, for real. Get into the dancing! Any coolness and/or sexiness factor that Robin has immediately goes out the window when he tries to pretend that he has got rhythm. His voice may be soulful but his hips and timing ARE NOT.

At one point I even think I saw him do a tongue flick thing — I CANNOT!

And on top of that, it just felt weird that they were doing this song on Dave Letterman HAHA. Maybe Jimmy Fallon, I’ll give you that. But Dave? Nicki Minaj tombout “stick shift the dingaling” while Robin faux dances and “feels” her up? Lawd, this was one performance where I couldn’t contain my laughter. Robin trying to croon and falsetto run all over this joint w/ Nicki next door miming her best Missy Elliott moves from the 90’s. I see you. Go watch “I Can’t Stand The Rain” ya’ll.

But the band!? OH MY YES COME ON! They were killing that! Made me like the song a bit more, seriously.

Otherwise just lots and lots of copious amounts of NO!
Tags:i can't, live performances, robin thicke
10 Responses
Alicia Keys In The UK, Vocally, Is A Fail. Fashionably As Well? You Decide!

Written by The IPS in Blogs on Jan 24, 10
Alicia Keys is flatter than a London apartment (think about it!) during this performance on numerous occasions. Prime violation #1 is at the 1:36 point mark. Please get into that opened bottle of Shasta 3 liter Grape soda 2 days later — FLAT FLAT FLAT.

LOL, someone asked me on Twitter what did I expect!

“She needs to change her last name from Keys since she can’t seem to find them” — @mrpolished on Twitter

I had just said a joke about not posting any more Alicia Keys performances because she can’t seem to get solid vocally at all this album cycle. Her performance for the telethon was pretty bad, but God bless her ministry for trying to be a help to the people of Haiti. Still, a bad performance is a bad performance.

Alicia Keys needs to really rest that voice because she’s flatter than ruined souffle. Flatter than a 25/20’s booty in Mom jeans. Flatter than that tuu-tuu ensemble she has on. Flatter than a factory floor. I could go on and on, but I won’t LOL!
Tags:alicia keys, i can't, live performances
1 Response
The Family That Jerks Together Stay Together: Omarion on 106 & Park

Written by The IPS in Blogs on Jan 13, 10
Really Moms?!

ROFL I mean, talk about keeping it real.

Omarion hit up 106 & Park to talk about his Slauson Swap Meet Fashion Du’ Jour AKA his hoodie. I got hoodies for $5 from Walgreen’s, I can’t believe dude did a song about them…

Jay Rock comes out and doesn’t learn proper staging while Omarion’s mother shakes her shimmy on behalf of her baby.

Could you imagine Katherine Jackson on stage with Michael moonwalking?! What is this about, all this!? *cremated*

He also performed “Ice Box” too, which was a bit better. At least the audience was with him on that one, cause I swear on “Hoodie” folks just sat there like “What are we supposed to do with this?”
Tags:i can't, live performances, omarion, wow
3 Responses
Stay Classy San Diego (LaDanian Tomlinson Sure Isn’t!)

Written by The IPS in Blogs on Jan 11, 10
Sweet Minty Two Step And Shuffle Ball Change Jesus, please swing down and bring me a bowl of Chicken Noodle Soup!

ROFL what is this!? Is this the off season? Is LaDanian Tomlinson on medical leave? Cause clearly he is special in the head to think that this would be hot! There only negras in that video dancing have to be his family members.

The white suit…the graphics…hell the LYRICS…the ad-libs…this ole bootleg Cha Cha Slide mess should get him suspended. FLAG ON THE M-EFFIN’ PLAY! Please order me a nice pine box but rent me a velvet casket for the funeral. *cremated*

I demand LT gets a Super Bowl Half-Time Performance slot. I’mma go start a petition! Who gonna sign?
Tags:all kinds of wrong, i can't, i hate black people sometimes, tomfoolery
6 Responses
Beyonce’s “Black Culture” Is Not What Martin Did For The People

Written by FirstGentleman in New Music & Reviews on Jan 5, 10
So I now feel it’s my blogger duty to write a post about this unreleased Michael Jackson sampling “Black Culture” song. I heard about it via a friend’s timeline on Twitter, and went over to youtube to check it out. Immediately I was chagrined and bewildered by the song. I have to tell you, I listened to it the whole way through and gave the song a fair chance.

At the end, I made an off the cuff comment on Twitter; and I quote, “Beyonce gets a #FAIL for sampling MJ on this new dumb ‘Black Culture’ song…*waits for the onslaught of Bey stans*”

Well who KNEW some of the replies I would get! (The names have been changed to protect the innocent. All typos are from the original text):

@NameWithheld :@FirstGentleman no no no no no please stop hating. how can you hate on someone who album is still selling amazingly after 1 year and months.

@NameWitheld: Befor ei let you finish no-one heard of ur lame blog so ur a “stranger bitch” #2 i dont even really like the song but it was obv UN-RELEASED for a reason therefore you & your lame blog dont need to comment about it if you dont like it

@NameWithheld: i would be mad 2, seeing how that outtake is bigger then anything you will ever release :)

@NameWithheld: dont talk about it then!!! usually if you didnt like something you tend to ignore it, your obv thinking of her then!

I literally was laughing for a good hour straight at all these replies. I will have to say I was defended by one Bey stan. So dear readers, you be the judge and tell me what you think.
Tags:beyonce, i can't, new music, stans
14 Responses
Hark The Return of Sisqo From The Brink of Irrelevancy!

Written by The IPS in Blogs on Jan 4, 10
Sisqo has signed on to the latest edition of the UK’s “Celebrity Big Brother 2010″. So, I am guessing that reunion effort and their reality show on Peachtree.tv in ATL yielded no results?

I mean, say what you want, but Sisqo used to be a beast vocally. I see how he handily worked his way around all the money notes in this performance, but shoot, he was the Chris Brown and all them of our time. And I don’t care if you judge me, Sisqo went in on “Incomplete”. That song was hot and one of my favorite songs of the 90’s. I promise you that!

But this reality show mess — anything for a check. His performance was a bit rusty and wow, was he doing “The Jerk”?! OR, was that his same old choreography and it was the jerk back then!? So many questions!

And was his hair still blond or was he bald? It was hard to tell…

Oh well, nikkas gotta eat. And we need something to watch on TV. LOL! Still, overall, I CANNOT.
Tags:15 minutes of fame, boy stop!, get that check, i can't, reality tv
7 Responses
The Only Thing I Hate More Than This “H.A.T.E.U.” Video Is The Album It’s From…

Written by The IPS in Videos on Dec 9, 09
Mariah Carey gets a big fail. Period. LOL, from the album to the videos just to EVERYTHING.

This is nothing but 3+ minutes of her in a bathing suit mouthing the lyrics to her song. I mean, really? They paid Brett Ratner WAY too much for this, I am almost 100% sure.

I mean, there is literally nothing else to talk about in this video. She should really buy a time machine with all that money she has and go back in time and just erase this album from life. I just cannot! “Obsessed” came on my Internet Radio the other day and I just shut the whole computer off trying to get away from it! A mess HAHAHA!
Tags:i can't, mariah carey, music videos
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