Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Ciara – Speechless (Feat. The-Dream)

Hell to the hell to the hell to the no! There are no “goodies” musically, vocally or melodically anywhere in this song! The-Nightmare should just take the L and go be baby daddy. Ciara should keep selling shoes. The world would keep on spinning without their music, seriously. I just don’t understand how this pulsating caterwauling passes for singles or singing. Who thinks this is hot?! Please exit via the Big Red X up to your right.

It really gets unbearable around the 3:00 mark when their two voices are tripping over each other in the contest to see which could make my ears bleed the greatest. Only thing missing is Cassie doing ad-libs and Diddy singing “Angels” via Skype. I cannot. I’m speechless alright! The hook alone makes me want to choke a small kitten. Ugh.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Nicki Minaj – “Massive Attack”

Well………………..

The beat is hot though!

I am convinced that Onika AKA Nicki Minaj just spouts whatever comes to mind that kind of rhymes. So many questions though — why do they have these faux British accents? I mean, seriously. It’s a bit ridiculous. Nicki Minaj has a couple of “singing” parts that she sounds good on, how ironic. Sean Garrett shouldn’t feature on anything — he drags this down. And Tom Toms are Tommy guns, as in submachine guns, right? Other than that, I’m lost. I’m sure this video (with Amber Rose) which is set to drop this week will be EPIC or something. I guess she couldn’t rhyme any reindeers with “Massive Attack”, thank God. LOL!

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Christina Aguilera – “Not Myself Tonight”

No ma’am this ain’t it. Christina Aguilera sings too well for these GaGa-esque shenanigans. Songs about kissing a girl maybe? Who are you, Katy Perry’s auntie? Lady GaGa’s older cousin? Christina Aguilera’s latest opus Bionic is headed to stores in June, and “Not Myself Tonight” is the first single. It was produced by Polow Da Don and co-written by Ester Dean (“Drop It Low”). Hmm, well, it’s certainly over-produced to match her over-singing and it’s just too much. Too, too much.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Dirty Money – “Hello, Good Morning” Feat. T.I.

Well, this song is certainly danceable. Now strip out ALL the vocals except the hook and swap out Diddy’s vocals for Dawn’s on that hook and I’d be sold. No seriously, Dirty Money just needs to be downsized to Dawn and it’d be a LOT more believable than its current incarnation. T.I.’s verse is neither here nor there to me, it could also have been left off. I’m just glad it ain’t Nicki Minaj…

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Hal Linton – “Mind Control”

Hal Linton first came onto my radar during the Super Bowl I think in that Motown tribute they did. He has an interesting voice, and I think he might have something if they can get him to breakout like they did Melanie Fiona (he’s on the same label). However, this song sounds like Jazmine Sullivan “Bust Your Windows” Redux, and that is going to instantly turn some folks off. Coincidentally, it was produced by Salaam Remi, who produced Jazmine’s hit as well. It’ll be interesting to see how they try and market this dude.