Album Review: Mariah Carey’s “E=MC2″

I’ve reviewed Mariah Carey’s new album E=MC² track-by-track for your reading and laughing pleasure, though honestly, this is more of a straight-forward review than a clown. I’m trying to be SLIGHTLY legitimate! LOL. So check it out after the jump, and if you’ve already bootlegged pre-ordered the album, let me know what you think! Overall, not as bad as I thought it would be but…the lyrics sound like the failed contestants from that “Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?” show earned their way through college by helping out Meems on this album. I mean REALLY Mariah, WTF is going on in that too orangey-orange skull of yours with some of these lyrics?!

Album review after the jump!

Mariah Carey’s new album is finally dropping after much title and release date changing. Are you going to buy it?

Let me start off by giving an overall opinion of the album…as a Mariah Carey fan from way back in the day, this is no “Vision of Love”. Or even “Butterfly,” which was arguably one of Mariah’s most hip-hop/urban albums outside of “Emancipation of Mimi”. But…this album isn’t as nearly as terrible as I thought it was going to be. After hearing “Touch My Body” however, I thought I pretty much knew what to expect. Lots of “old lady in the club” type joints LOL.

However, besides some annoying vocal habits and terrible lyrics, this album is ALMOST enjoyable *gasp*. Can you listen to it straight through? You know what, it depends. What I’ve found with Mariah fans lately is that either you absolutely love it or you just don’t. You take the bad/corny lyrics and the “faux ghetto” references with a grain of sand and measure it up against Mariah’s penchant for crafting great pop songs and choosing great music and just deal with it LOL. That’s basically what is going on this album.

The album starts off with “Migrate,” which in my opinion has some of the worst lyrics ever uttered by Mariah. Lines like “speed dial connecting me to Ray Ray / click in Shaunte and May-May” bog this song down so much. It’s really a hot song though, because the hook is dangerous. It gets stuck in your head immediately, and the beat compliments that “hook-iness” as well. T-Pain even has some decent lines.

“Touch My Body,” which the whole world has heard, still doesn’t move me. However, with a great hook, it’s no wonder why it was chosen as the single.

“Cruise Control” features Mariah doing a great Jafaican accent and Damian Marley talking about her being one of his wives in his compound. Nice. What Would Bob Do?

“I Stay In Love” features trademark ballad vocals by Mariah. Nothing new here. She does a lot of upper/lower register doubling on this song, which is immediately noticeable. Her lower register sounds so smoky and sexy; you’d almost wish she’d do it more. Paging Toni Braxton!

“Side Effects” is undoubtedly about Tommy Mottola and her time with him. If this joint was anymore hip-hop influenced, it’d be a diss record LOL. Could you imagine Tommy Mottola going back hard? Everyone’s fascination with Young Jeezy annoys me though, but I guess his swagger and ad-libs match the beat, which was produced by Scott Storch. His ABC raps annoy me…especially on this song. It needed someone with a more nimble flow to really complement the track.

“I’m That Chick” is another MJ sampling song from Stargate. This song sounds like a Ne-Yo/Because of You album leftover, heavily sounding like his single “Because of You,” just in a slightly different key. However, it’s a breezy cut which Mariah flows effortlessly over. The lyrics are again cringe-worthy, but with Mariah, it’s all about the hooks folk! Comparing herself to weed is HILARIOUS though. This song could have been on “Glitter,” which was very much an album influenced by 70′s/80′s music. Let me find out Mariah has a weed connect. Smoking is bad for them pipes! That would explain that Saturday Night Live performance….

“Love Story” almost sounds like “Breakdown” 2008. That was one of my favorite Mariah songs ever. All it is missing Bone Thugs LOL.

“I’ll Be Loving You Long Time” samples DeBarge’s “Stay With Me” which is no small feat, but despite the “Ms. Swan”-ish lyrics, this song is pretty enjoyable. You can’t go wrong with a DeBarge sample. And vocally, I think this is the best she sounds on the whole album. Maybe it was recorded early on in the process? LOL. DJ Toomp is killing it lately, because this is a hot joint. His track sits back and compliments Mariah, and that’s the mark of a good producer. Take note Polow.

“Last Kiss” is typical Dupri/Carey fare, and is not groundbreaking.

“Thanx 4 Nothing” is a good idea that wasn’t quite executed properly. The track falls flat and the lyrics on the hook are unconvincing. With some re-tooling it, it could possibly be a smash. Alas, it comes across as filler until Mariah ramps up the vocals toward the end in typical Mariah fashion, but by then, you’ve most likely already skipped this one. Her upper register sounds a little worse for wear as well, but still great.

“O.O.C.” feature Swizz Beats on the boards, and he crafts another decent R&B/hip-hop joint. It’s funny to hear Mariah doing a Swizzy beat/hook as well — “out of control, out of control, out of control…” Interesting, to say the least. However, this joint, while fun, most likely will be one that’ll play in the club while you step off to go get a drink and rest your feet. Also check out Mariah throwing in some phrases she’s learned from her world travels LOL.

“For The Record” is the song that was used in her commercials for her perfume. It’s a cool joint. I hate the way the song opens, but maybe that’s just me. B. Michael Cox produced this joint, and I feel like if Brandy was singing this, it’d be a lot better. Not bad at all though, Mariah kills it and it def sounds like it could have been on “Emancipation…” lyrically and stylistically. Musically, it doesn’t really go anywhere though.

“Bye Bye” is the next single from the album, and is Mariah’s “sob” song I’ll say. It’s her “emotional” song. It’s about her father, but she makes it universal so that everyone can relate to it. If you can relate, then you’ll probably like this song. If not, you’ll probably skip it to get to…

“I Wish You Well” is the best song on the album. Why? It features Mariah, a piano and her voice. That’s it. No T-Pain processing, no hip-hop beats, JUST MARIAH. It feels like an old Mariah song from back in the day. She could sing this right after singing “Emotion” or “Vision of Love”. It’s also her “gospel” song, which Mariah tends to always tack onto her albums (see “Fly Like A Bird”). Definitely an inspirational joint, but SUCH a return to form. It makes you wonder what would happen if Mariah stripped away all the “Pookie & Ray Ray” ish and got back to making some real, heartfelt and powerful music…

Overall, the album is full of pop hooks and sugary music goodness and if you don’t think about it too much, you will enjoy it. If you stop and listen to some of the lyrics, you’ll probably be as horrified as I was. For the most part, Mariah sticks to what she knows, vocally and stylistically as well. Lots of starting off normal then blasting it to the top, hip-hop influenced delivery and phrasing, lots of “oohs” and “aahhs” and similar nonsense syllables LOL. Typical classic, and expected, Mariah!

Considering I haven’t liked a Mariah album on its whole since “Butterfly,” this is one overall decent joint. You’ll probably have to listen to it more than once to be convinced though — it took me about 5-6 listens myself.

Related posts:

1. Album Review: Mariah Carey’s “Memoirs of An Imperfect Angel”
2. Live Performances: Mariah Carey Does “Today”…Today.
3. Live Performances: Mariah Carey Performs “I Want To Know What Love Is” In Italy

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